Shut Up & Listen

I don’t know if it’s me or the way the stars have lined up lately, but it seems I’ve been running into a lot of people who have diarrhea of the mouth. They talk on and on and on and never give others a chance to participate in the conversation.

Ok, I said others, but I’m talking about me. That said, I’m pretty sure they are that way with everyone. Or, maybe I have a sign on my forehead that says, “talk, he will listen.”

These are people from all walks of life. From a successful business people to a drunk guy I’m sitting beside in a bar having dinner.

They have no awareness that they are just “talking,” and not even close to having a conversation.

I will often interrupt them and try to change the subject in hopes we can have a “conversation.” Nope, it’s like bam, and they are off and running again.

I did a little research and here’s what I found:

The difference between having a conversation and someone talking without pause lies in balance and engagement:

A. Constant Talking (Monologue):

1.  One-Way Flow: One person dominates, talking continuously without giving the other a chance to respond or engage.

2.  Lack of Listening: The speaker may focus solely on their own thoughts or feelings, often neglecting cues that the other person wants to speak.

3.  Overwhelming or Exhausting: It can feel draining for the listener, who may feel excluded or undervalued in the interaction. (Drains the hell out of me.)

B. A Conversation:

1.  Two-Way Interaction: A conversation involves active participation from both parties. Each person takes turns speaking and listening.

2.  Exchange of Ideas: Both individuals share their thoughts, ask questions, and respond to one another, creating a flow of mutual understanding.

3.  Respect for Silence: Pauses are normal and allow space for reflection or for the other person to contribute.

Key Analogy:

1.  Think of a conversation as a dance, where both people take turns leading and following, creating a rhythm together. Constant talking is like one person performing solo, leaving the other standing on the sidelines.

Why Balance Matters:

When one person monopolizes the dialogue, it ceases to be a true conversation and becomes a lecture or rant. Effective communication requires a balance where both parties feel heard and valued, fostering connection and understanding.

A good conversation is about give and take. You have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Use your mouth less and your ears more. That’s all I’m gonna say, Tommy Gibbs