When People Won’t or Can’t Change, You Have to Change the People
In leadership, relationships, or even personal growth, one of the most challenging realities is recognizing when people won’t or can’t change. This realization can be especially tough when dealing with employees, partners, or even friends.
No matter how much effort you invest in coaching, mentoring, or offering support, sometimes people either aren’t willing or are simply unable to meet expectations. When this happens, it’s essential to shift your focus: instead of endlessly trying to change them, you may need to change the people.
Understanding the Barriers to Change
People resist change for various reasons. Fear of the unknown, a fixed mindset, lack of motivation, or even a deep-seated comfort in the status quo can block transformation. Some individuals may genuinely want to change but lack the skills, resources, or emotional resilience to do so.
Others may simply not share your vision or values. It’s important to assess whether the person’s inability to change stems from external factors (e.g., training, lack of clarity) or from an unwillingness to adapt.
The Cost of Waiting for Change
Holding on to people who aren’t growing with you can slow down progress. Whether in business or personal life, this can lead to missed opportunities, low morale, or frustration.
As a leader, you may find yourself compensating for their shortcomings or spending excessive energy on trying to bring them along. The reality is that the longer you hold on to people who can’t or won’t change, the more it compromises your goals and the well-being of others who are willing to move forward.
When It’s Time to Make a Change
There are key indicators that signal when it’s time to shift your approach:
- Consistent underperformance despite support, training, and clear expectations.
- Misalignment with core values or a clear lack of buy-in to your vision.
- Negative impact on team dynamics, causing frustration or burnout among others.
- Lack of personal accountability, where blame is often shifted and excuses are frequent.
When these signs become persistent, it’s time to consider changing the people involved. This doesn’t always mean firing or ending relationships harshly—it could mean shifting responsibilities, reallocating resources, or encouraging them to find a better fit elsewhere.
Changing the People to Move Forward
In leadership, difficult decisions often lead to the greatest results. Changing the people who surround you allows for the introduction of individuals who are aligned with your vision, willing to adapt, and equipped with the skills needed to thrive. This change isn’t an act of giving up, but rather a strategic step to ensure progress.
Building a team of people who are ready and willing to evolve helps maintain momentum, foster innovation, and reach new heights.
Ultimately, knowing when to stop investing in those who won’t or can’t change and instead finding individuals who are aligned with your goals is a critical leadership skill. Change is inevitable, and sometimes, it’s the people around you that need to change in order for growth to happen.
Change is part of how we grow. That’s all I’m gonna say, Tommy Gibbs